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     F!r3sh1n3 was a brother who had Luck of the Sea III, and caught things broad of fin and narrow of fin. F!r3f4d3r was his brother who had Looting III and killed hostile mobs and peaceful mobs. One day F!r3f4d3r said to his elder brother F!r3sh1n3 in chat “Lets chaneg tools and tri each other's echnatmets!1!!!1!” But even though he copypastad into chat three times his brother wouldn't agree to it, and he had to pester him for a bit before he finally agreed to switch. Then F!r3f4d3r fished with a Luck of the Sea III fishing rod, but couldn't catch anything, since he sucked at fishing. Moreover, he accidentally threw the fishing rod in the sea. Then his brother asked him for the fishing rod back, saying “Looting III is an enchintment, and Luck o the See is an chenchamnet. Let's trade bak r tools.” To which the younger brother replied, “I dint ever catch anythin yur fishin rod was borken and I lost it anyway.” But the elder brother was like, “I see it in your inventury youv'e got an enchnetted fishng rod!1! >:O” So the younger brother used ten levels of XP to enchant an new fishing rod to make up for the one he lost, but the elder brother just threw it back at him. He said “I wan my old fishin rod!1! You stol my fshin rod!1!!1!” And then he PKd his brother.
     Hereupon, the younger brother respawned by the seashore, and a Guardian came and asked him “Why yu sad? :(“ F!r3f4d3r replied “I barrowed my bortherss fish rod and then I lorst it. Now he ants it bak but I gav him a  new one bat he didnt tak it. :(“ Then the Guardian said “I will give you pro tip:” Then he built him a boat with 5 blocks of birch wood planks and placed it on the water. He instructed F!r3f4d3r “When I push the boat off, go on for several chunks. You will see a channel, and if you steer your boat through that channel you will come to an underwater temple. That is the place of the Elder Guardian. When you reach the end of the channel you will see a jungle tree that's 2x2 standing above a well. If you sit on top of that tree the daughter of the Elder Guardian will notice you and give you Mining Fatigue III.”

     F!r3f4d3r followed these instructions, and after he had gone a few chunks everything happened just as the Guardian had said. He climbed the jungle tree and sat there. When villagers who the daughter of the Elder Guardian had hacked went to get water from the well with buckets she'd enchanted they saw an entity shadow on it. Looking up, they saw F!r3f4d3r's 1337 custom skin. They were much amazed. F!r3f4d3r saw the villagers and asked them for some water. In a tick, they filled an enchanted bucket with water and offered it to him. Instead of taking the water, he threw the emerald from his hotbar in the enchanted bucket. The emerald glitched into the enchanted bucket and the villagers couldn't get it unglitched. So they took the enchanted bucket glitched with an emerald and presented it to the Princess.
     When the Princess saw the glitch, she asked the villagers “Is there a PC around?” They answered “There is a dude with snazzy custom skin sitting on top of the jungle tree above our well. He has a more complete outer skin even than the Elder Guardian. We offered him some water when he asked for it, but instead of drinking the water he glitched it with this jewel. We couldn't unglitch it, so we brought it to you.”
     The Princess, marveling at this, went out to look, and liked his skin. She gave F!r3f4d3r Mining Fatigue III, then went to speak to her father. She said, “There is a custom-skinned player at our gate.” And the Elder Guardian himself looked at his nametag. “That is F!r3f4d3r” he said, and led him inside the underwater temple. He put eight layers of carpet on top of each other, then strung eight layers of tripwires above that, and had F!r3f4d3r sit on top of them. A great banquet was arranged with all the villagers, and the Elder Guardian gave the account name and password of his daughter to F!r3f4d3r.

     F!r3f4d3r played on the account of the Elder Guardian's daughter for three days. One time, remembering his past account, he typed “*sigh*” into the chat. The Elder Guardian questioned his daughter's avatar. “At timestamp 9:43:42 you, who never typed in chat in all the days you have played typed '*sigh*' into the chat. What was the reason for it? And why did you first come here?” F!r3f4d3r told the Elder Guardian all about how his brother had PKd him for the return of the fishing rod. So the Elder Guardian summoned together all the fishes of the sea, pufferfish and all, and asked them “Has anyone got this fishing rod?” And all of the fish replied, “For several ticks the salmon has complained that there is something bugged with him, preventing him from moving. No doubt the salmon got bugged with the fishing rod.” The code of the salmon was examined, and the fishing rod found inside. It was removed, parsed, and presented to F!r3f4d3r.
     The Elder Guardian then said to him “When you give this fishing rod to your elder brother, you should say to him, 'this fishing rod is a Slowness rod, a Swiftness rod, a Strength rod, a Weakness rod.' When you have said this, give it to him with your hand behind your back. Once you have done this, if your brother cultivates fields more than 8 blocks from a water source you should cultivate fields less than 8 blocks from a water source. In this way your brother will certainly be hangry in the space of three days, since I rule the water. If he should attack you out of hanger, use this enchanted bucket-emerald of water to drown him. If he doesn't grief, use the empty enchanted bucket-emerald to save him. In this way you shall troll him.”

     With these words the Elder Guardian gave F!r3f4d3r the enchanted bucket-emerald full of water. He then summoned all the squid and said “F!r3f4d3r is about to go back to his spawnpoint. Who will take how long to carry him there and bring back a server log?” Each of the squid answered in accordance with their glitchiness. One of them, a squid who glitched around entire blocks, answered “I can take him there in a day.” The Elder Guardian said, “You will be the one to take him, but don't glitch away in the middle of the sea.” So F!r3f4d3r sat on the squid and was off. The squid took F!r3f4d3r all the way back to spawn in one day, like he'd said. When the squid was about to return, F!r3f4d3r took the sword from his hotbar and threw it at it.
     F!r3f4d3r gave the fishing rod to his elder brother exactly the way the Elder Guardian had said. So his brother got hangrier and hangrier, and finally came to melee F!r3f4d3r. When he was about to attack F!r3f4d3r put out a water source block from the enchanted bucket-emerald to drown him. After he promised not to grief, he used the enchanted bucket-emerald to save him. After he had been so mad trolled, the elder brother bowed his head and was like, “Frum nowe on, lets jsut hunt mobs togteher. :((“

     So F!r3f4d3r switched back to the daughter of the Elder Guardian's account, and thought “I hav an idea for a rad cool skin for this account!!!” But he thought such a rad skin was too good to just be on the bottom of the sea, so he came to the shore, and built a neat house, making decorative blocks from feathers. But before the decorative blocks were even done, he got too impatient, and went into the house to change skins. When he started to change skins the website gave a warning “Whenever a NPC changes skins they first revert to default skin!” F!r3f4d3r, thinking it was just stupid, changed the skin anyway. But when he went back the account skin had changed to a squid glitching over 8 blocks at a time! Afraid his computer would crash, he quit out.

     F!r3f4d3r knew then that this account was mad hacked, and figured he should stop playing on it. But first he relogged and, while looking at the new rad skin on the account in 3rd person, typed in chat: “Even tuhogh radstone can mak glowing trals of dust, F!r3f4d3r is liek diamonds wich is beter.”
     Then he logged back in to his first account, and typed: “My othr acount, i chaged the skin in that 1337 house with fether bloks, I wont forjet you ever. :\”

     F!r3f4d3r played on his first account on the island he and his brother shared for 580 days, until he was blown up by a creeper on the west side of the island.
I got this idea from a translation of the Kojiki XXXIX-XLII 'The Luck of the Sea and the Luck of the Mountains'  by Donald Keane, stolen from B. H. Chamberlain. The story just came too close to an interaction my brother and I had in Minecraft. Enjoy!
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Submitted on
September 25, 2015




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